A Night In Oxnard
by KarisTasogare
Summary: Xander said he was leaving on a great road trip. He lied and Buffy wants to know why as well as dealing with some other things that she doesn't want to let him get away with.


**A Slayer in Oxnard**

Disclaimer: I own nothing of this, not the characters, not the setting, not even the idea, just my spin on it. This was inspired by the fic: A Night In Oxnard by M. Scott Eiland. Buffy and company are the property of their owners/creators. I am just playing around with old toys and with 'what if'

Time Frame: Mid-summer after graduation. There are some events that differed from the TV series, but not all that much. The most important one is that Faith died after her fight with Buffy and Xander is the first one to learn about it.

**A SLAYER IN OXNARD**

Xander paused in his walk from work to consider things. However, due to the irritation from his shift, this soon had him stifling a yawn. It was funny, even thou thru the years the gang had often had to suffer very late nights, he had never been able to function very well after midnight. Now here he was working in a place that routinely had him leaving his shift at 2 in the morning. He resumed walking, wanting nothing more than to crawl into his bed. Knowing that at least then, for a few hours, he could ignore the garish neon lights and as well the memories that had caused him to end up here. Were he the same boy form years ago he might have laughed at the irony. Hiding in a place like this, the flamboyant lights and posters that screamed for attention only serving to ensure those here were practically faceless.

Of course not everyone was able to see or appreciate that. Take Walter, one of his co-workers, the guy kept doing his level best to get Xander to spend his evenings off seeking excitement of some sort. Then there was Old lady Brown, who owned the 'motel' he was staying in. She kept trying to get him to join her for dinner, where she might suggest various girls he might want to meet. Either that, or she would appear at his door with a dish of something and remark that it was such a same how such a 'nice boy could be so alone'. Even if she would hear it, he could never bring himself to tell her the truth,

But then how could he shatter the image she had of him with the facts. The fact that his parents were a waste of 'what ever' was keeping them breathing. That he had squandered not only his potential, but had effectively dragged down others at the same time. That he came from a place of monsters and death, and he was in the end a product of that evil. That he had finally accepted the fact that he was poison to everyone around him, and it was his lot in life to live with that fact. Suicide might be an option for others, but for him that would be no escape. It would either somehow result in even more evil somehow, or worse have people cry over his grave and think he was somehow noble in some fashion.

That was why, even thou he was well away from that place, he still was cautious after sunset. Walking into a monsters arms was still killing yourself in his books, and so when he saw his door had been opened he was immediately on his guard. Assessing the situation, he saw that it seemed the door had been opened by 'fairly' normal means. Had it been kicked in or somehow 'jimmied' open he would have suspected a thief or other criminal. But given that he had little, if anything, to interest a thief that was unlikely anyhow. Therefore the signs pointed to either someone with a way to unlock the door, and that meant either magic or the spare key. Both were just as likely, but given that there were no lights on it was clear that whoever was in side, assuming anyone still was, they were sitting in ambush. Slipping his backup weapon into his hand so it was hidden but ready he carefully moved to see who might be inside.

Xander was hoping to find them already gone, but knew that he might be in for a fight if they were not. Then he saw her standing by the window and knew he was in for more trouble than he was prepared for. Capital T trouble in the form of a petite girl with blond hair standing illuminated by moonlight. What in the name of the darkness was she doing here? How had she tracked him down, or had she involved other people as well? So many things came to mind but there was one thing that was not in question, that being the option of fleeing. Given that he could now see her expression and it was not one of a friend, but more of a hateful icy glare, it was clear that Buffy Summers was pissed with him. That told him any attempt to run would evoke a response of prey running from a hungry predator. It might give the appearance of a chance, but probably result in futility. No better to face things had on, and hope this didn't hurt too much.

"Hello Buffy," he said calmly, and even added some levity "what's a nice girl like you doing in a no-tell room like this?"

Buffy's glare if anything went up a few notches and Xander began to wonder if he had just made sure he would be in for a long term stay in hospital tonight. That was assuming he woke up at all, but would it really matter what happened? Even if she let him live, he would probably just end up an other faceless statistic, an other disappointing failure in the path of human life. Looked on that way death was just a step and fear was meaningless. "So should I ask how you found me? After all Oxnard is hardly a recommended place in travel planners."

Buffy blinked, then pointed him to one of the old often repaired chairs, and for him to sit down. As she moved to the other she briefly looked at the old iron frame bed, but then looked away as if seeing what had occurred in it. Xander didn't need to guess at those things, having heard other tenants and suspected the reason for the disinfectant smell of the laundry. So he merely moved, leaving her the better of the chairs, and sat down then waited for her to begin.

Buffy sat and stared at him, as if hesitant to begin. She even stared out at the full moon for a minute or so before finally deciding how to start. As she did, her voice was almost emotionless, as if she were refusing to feel anything. "Summer has been fairly good so far. Dad sent his regrets that the promised post grad trip had to be put off. There were a couple of real nasty visitors over the last few weeks. But with Willow and Oz around to help, it was mostly okay. Funny enough what got me thru those times was the expectation of your post cards from various places. Every few days a new one would arrive with a short note of how much fun you were having." Then her voice became colder "Imagine our shock when we learned all of it was just a pack of lies! It was almost funny, getting a call out of the blue from someone I didn't expect to ever hear from again. Then getting asked about what might have happened and how long it might be till you were past it and returned to familiar places where they expected you should be."

Xander quickly thought about who might have clued her in. The list wasn't very long, and when those that would have no idea where he might be were removed it was even shorter. Thinking about it one name came to the top and he found himself getting angry and then seriously pissed off about it. "So Dead Boy despite being asked to, couldn't keep his mouth shut! Almost makes me wonder if he waited for some reason before selling me out. Turns out I was right to never trust him, despite you always suggesting I could." He might have gone on, had Buffy's expression told him that all this was news to her. Obviously he had picked the wrong suspect and had screwed up again by not keeping silent. "So, not him, huh. Okay. So are you going to tell me who it was or do I keep guessing?"

Buffy was shaken that Angel had known, and she wondered why he would not tell her. But despite that, it didn't excuse Xander deceit. Muttering under he breath the calming ritual that willow had found for her, she continued in a voice she hoped didn't giveaway how she felt "You remember Scott Hope, well he left town about when you did, and has been working for his aunt, who runs a business near here. He said he was asked about you there at lunch one day, and found himself wondering what you were doing here. I initially assumed he was wrong, but mentioned it to Willow who wasn't so sure. After that we checked the post cards and realized that even if it seemed you signed them, the rest of the writing didn't quite match. After that, Willow began digging through computers and found where you actually were. So how about you clear up how you did it, sending us postcards from places you have never been?"

Shaking his head at something so simple catching him out. Xander didn't see any harm in answering the question. "Despite how things ended, at one point I did have other friends at school. One in particular had learned over the years to fake signatures. Given they were going to be traveling I slipped them some cash and asked them do me a favor. I worked out the costs and figured the cash would last till late august or maybe September. After which time you girls should be so busy with entering collage you wouldn't have time to wonder about them" Then he sighed and asked the obvious question in return "So, should I assume that my 'in case of my death' letter should be easily found, given my history with Slayers in cheap motel rooms? Or is it going to be more painful than that?"

Buffy just gave him a look. It was the same one that she used to give him when he did something that seemed very stupid. "Xander, The first rule about getting yourself out of a hole is stop digging. That said, I really don't know what I should feel right now. You made it seem that you were off on a journey of self-discovery. But instead your friends learn that you lying and were less than fifty miles away. Oh and don't even try to use the excuse that you didn't have the money for the trip. Just before she left, Cordelia confided in me about the dress and everything. Both willow and I know how much you spent on her in those last weeks. Besides, even if you decided to blow it all on her, something I doubt, that still wouldn't be a reason for the fake cards and all." Buffy took a deep breath redoubling her efforts to kept the hurt out of her voice "And now, we not only find you in a place not 90 minute bus ride form home. But I also find out that Angel knew about this! That instead of talking with us you confided in someone you always claimed to hate. That you lied to willow and I but told the truth to HIM!"

Xander winced as Buffy's voice became uncomfortably loud as she finished. He knew whatever he said it would not be enough, but saw little purpose in making excuses. "Lets just say he noticed something about my car just before we both left, and I wasn't as careful as I should have been in what I said." Then he allowed himself to glare back at her. "Speaking of odd things, "Since when are taking calls from Scott 'in hospital we' Hope?"

"don't try and change the subject" Buffy said shaking her head. "He still had my number, and was calling to ask about some people after Graduation night. I almost hung up on him, but he apologized for all the mess between us. He kept insisting that he was completely at fault and someone far out of his league. It was kinda sweet and something I needed that night. But anyways that doesn't change the fast that you basically decided to run away from home, and lied to everyone about it. So Xander, how about telling the truth, I think you owe it us."

Xander felt his expression harden and his eyes grow cold "No Buffy, I don't think I owe you anything. Yes I did set things up, but then I had some things to work out and needed time to do so. After all I'm hardly the first person to make an unannounced trip to nowhere. At least I rigged it so people wouldn't worry about me!"

Buffy's eyes flared, and the melancholia was replaced by anger again "Your comparing this to that?! Yes I left, but I had a heck of a good set of reasons. You want a list: my mom had thrown me out and told me not to come back, Kendra had been killed and the police thought I did it, Willow was hurt because I let Angelus play me, and to top it off to save the world I had send Angel to hell! So I really doubt that as bad as this year has been for you it comes anywhere close to that!"

If Buffy expected remorse or even shame, she didn't get it. Instead she saw his face become even harder and almost hateful as he responded, "A list you say, All right how is this? First I almost destroy Willow's relationship with Oz. Simply because I gave into simple lust. Worse I did it at the worst possible time and nearly got Cordelia killed because of it. Last I heard she may have ongoing problems for years if not for life. Speaking of Lust, I could see how in the edge Faith was, but I slept with her anyways and as a result pushed her over the edge. That resulted in her working for the enemy. Leading not only to that kill or be killed fight between you, but what you had to do to save Angel." Despite himself he couldn't keep a measure of softness form his voice as he continued. "Despite everything, faith managed to survive to get to the hospital. Seeing her lying there, Bruised and bloody, I knew it I was the cause of her being there." Then he shook off the memory and finished with "That was a wake up call, and added to other events forced me to see who I really was and to accept I needed to get away."

Buffy paused at hearing the anger in his voice and suddenly realized it wasn't directed at her but at himself. Willow had told her about her and Oz talking before he left, and it was eerily similar. The difference would be that she wouldn't let the results be the same as then. "Xander, even if we assume that you are right on some level, regarding that. Most of that was months ago. Mistakes were made by all of us regarding Faith, not just you. As for the mess with willow, given the connection between you two I always wondered when that would happen, not if. As to the timing, well, some events act as triggers. But if you were feeling all these things why didn't you talk to someone about it? I mean, was I that bad a friend that you couldn't you have come to me? Damn it, if any of us can identify with having feelings lime that it would be me."

Xander chuckled and shook his head then replied, "Maybe Buffy, but I couldn't for other reasons. Not the least of which was you needing space or maybe time to deal with angel leaving."

Buffy was confused and blinked as she tried to understand his reasoning "Wha-? So you think that given I was dealing with the man I loved leaving, it was best that one of my best friends disappears also? That is screwier than Wesley thinking that he was in command based on what he thought he knew. What were you thi-" Then she got it. It was so obvious that it was hidden behind her looking for complexities. Then her face fell as she whispered, "Oh."

Xander stood and turned toward the doorway so he didn't have to look at her face, as she seemed to finally realize what might be the reason for his attitude after a moment, he felt her stand up and move behind him. Then a moment later felt her turn him around to look into his eyes " Xander, if that was it, then you dam well should have said something. The aftermath of all that was hard on us all. But even if you couldn't talk to me for some reason I know Giles would have been willing to listen. Besides didn't you always tease Angel for going off alone and being miserable instead of dealing with things?"

Xander felt himself smile, if only satirically. He was sure the comparison might have made him laugh once, if only because it was all too true. But now the black comedy just added to the darkness. "Angel said the same thing to me, after I let the truth slip. He even asked me if I wanted a list of where he shopped so we could dress similarly. Heck he even tried to intimidate me into skipping the whole thing. He told me that even if we never got along, he always knew that he could count on me looking out for you." Then any merriment left Xander's face. "But the thing was he just didn't get it. Even after a century of pain and grief, he still couldn't see poison for what it was.

"Buffy, do you have any idea what getting out of high school meant to me? When you came to Sunnydale, I only knew about the effects but not the causes. My life was just one day after an other and had no real meaning beyond the vague hope that somehow, someday I might be more than just another Loser lime my parents. You made me see the truth and by helping you I gave my life meaning, even if I risked shortening it. I faced possible death against vampires and demons and even zombies knowing that if nothing else the few second I bought might be enough to for you to win. The joy I felt, when you started breathing again that night in the Master's cave, made any offence later seem meaningless. Even that my idea helped defeat The Judge, still feels good. But maybe that should have been a warning, as I let myself believe things I shouldn't later, with tragic results."

Tears came to Buffy's eyes, as she heard what he wasn't saying and she needed a long moment to compose herself. "Do you think that little of yourself, Xander? Think, despite your 'cheating' on her, Cordelia eventually trusted you enough that you parted on decent terms. Would she have done that if you were that bad? Yes you saw how to destroy the mayor, but if you weren't able do you think Giles would have let you be involved in the whole thing? Most of our Class stood and fought at your direction that day, you rallied them in the face of absolute evil. I can't see that happening if you were just a slacker and a screw up. Yes you made some mistakes, but haven't we all? Just as you forgave me that night at the Bronze, so I can see the good you did over the years. You've been there for me every time it really counted. That night in defiance of the prophecy, when even Giles gave up. Alone, unarmed against one of the most evil vampires ever to be, when I was in hospital. Even when we told you we didn't need you, and yet you saved us from that bomb." she paused at his look "Oh yeah, we heard about that later, but didn't say anything because you didn't. Maybe we have argued more than some, maybe you you've said horrible things that had me wanting to go Slayer on you. But I always knew that I could count on you to stand beside me, even if it was to die with me. I have always known that being the slayer was a death sentence, but I also know it was one I would face alone. That is once I met you. How could you even think I wouldn't come after you, that I would forget you, that I didn't deserve a proper goodbye after all that? How dare you!"

Xander's face fell in shock, how could Buffy say those things given his responsibility for so many deaths and near deaths. Tears he had refused to shed came to his eyes as the hurt he had caused his friends was made clear. "I couldn't see that that Buffy." He looked to the floor "I couldn't let myself. It wasn't just one thing but all of it together. All I could see was that you all might be better off if I wasn't around. That maybe if I wasn't around you I could somehow process things and come to some solution."

He almost laughed at the stupidity of it all "I think there is a joke here, on some sick level. I pretend to be happy and you at best see me as a friend, then when I take a page from angel's playbook you come chasing after me for an emotional scene. It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic. I finally accept that my feelings for you should be set aside, and that is when you tell me how much I mean to you. All thru school I made no secret of how I felt about you, how much I loved you, but kept hearing you say you didn't think of me on that level. But now, when I finally have set all that aside for you to say you had bigger feelings than you admitted to. Somewhere a clown must be killing himself with laughter."

Xander wiped his eyes and moved towards the door. "Look, my shift just ended and I really need some sleep. Besides, I am going to need some time to think things thru properly before I come to any decision. Not only about myself, but about things between us Buffy. I suspect that I will probably end up coming back to Sunnydale, as bizarre a concept for a life choice that is. But beyond that I can't say right now. So unless you plan to share sleeping space with me I think we need to say good night for now."

Buffy again looked about the room. Aside form the iron frame bed there wasn't much space. She briefly wondered what he might do if she walked over and announced she was staying as she closed the door. But then decided that she would give him the courtesy of being honest about things. She sighed; things were so much easier back before when she was immature.

"Xander, we both know that there are no guarantees with anything, but I also know that you have been filling the role of an Oath bound Knight from when you first forced Giles and I to accept you into this fight. Yes you have stumbled and have been stained with some mud, but despite this I still want you there at my side. Be it as one of my best friends, be it as my faithful defender, or be it as something more." She stood up and moved to the door, but paused there for a moment "On the nightstand there, is a one-way bus ticket home. I expect it to be used within the week. Otherwise you will be getting another visit, and this time it will be willow. I also don't guarantee she won't be dressed in a certain Halloween costume, updated. That is unless I decide to join her here and possibly for one or both of us waiting in your bed." She reached out to cup his cheek "Of course we are getting together next Friday. Mom is out of town, and we decided to have a sleep over. But if you are back by then it might be much less innocent with you there. Have always wondered what you sleep in, and maybe that night I will find out."

Buffy then gave him a look he had last seen that night at the bronze and slowly walked out the door closing it behind her. Xander stood there shocked at what he thought she had been saying, and then began to wonder if she had actually left. He briefly toyed with the idea of checking to see, but then decided to let her have her exit. Either she had a ride or had someplace to crash till the morning. The real question was about his decision. How fast he might make it and what it would be. One thing he was sure of, even if Buffy had been serious he wouldn't be there by Friday. Given that he didn't want to burn any bridges regarding future employment, leaving without proper notice and just before a weekend wasn't going to happen. Still the 'what might be' could give him some interesting dreams and maybe a smile or two if he was lucky.

**FIN**


End file.
